Growing up or just old.....

As I sit here sipping my eggnog, in the quiet of the afternoon, I am forced or maybe even privileged to recall how the day started out not so quiet. Early on, I had seven people wandering about, drinking coffee and getting ready to start chores, vaccinate the tail end of the cattle we'll be putting on wheat next week, and loading up horses to check the cattle we just put out on wheat. There is never a dull moment at my house and for that I am thankful....I'm too ADHD to begin my knitting lessons just yet and actually thrive on drama and adrenaline. If the drama ever gets to be too much, I am happy to retreat.....not scared.... just old.
I love my life right now.....the kids are growing up and starting lives of their own, and that gives me an incentive to ponder what I'll be when I grow up. I've always felt jipped somehow, not believing I ever had the choice of following a passion. After high school I was never asked or encouraged to go to collage - just told I needed to get me a job and start living and thus started years of wreck less living and bad choices. I realize now, however, that at my age, no matter what career path I would have chosen, I would be right here in this place with grown children and grandchildren. I've mothered kids for 25 years now and my life has been dictated by those who needed me the most each day. I have grown comfortable with myself, my abilities and lack thereof, and have the confidence to defend what's right, against those who choose wrong.....and won't apologize for that. I have no one to impress and am accountable only to Him who created me and those who He has given me to be in relationship with. I know my job here on this earth is not done and want to make the most out of each day I'm given. I've been around enough people to know who I want to be more like and those I don't want to be anything like; and the older I get, the more cut and dry that becomes. I know what is important and what is not and if it's not going to matter in 50 years, don't worry about it.... if that makes me uncaring or "insensitive" get over it. People invest too much time on worthless projects that have no eternal value. My life is well more than half over and I simply don't want to waste anymore of it dwelling on the past that I can't change or the future that I really don't have any power over. Here lately, I've been going through my house, pitching anything I don't like, won't wear, hate to look at, or simply have outgrown no matter how much "value" I once placed on it. I've done that with my life and mind as well. There are experiences I need to forget, wrongs forgiven, and people of the past that need to be forgotten. The more simple my life and my house become, the better I like it. I choose to surround myself with what is beautiful and what will last forever. I am now who I always wanted to be......almost. Till next time..adios!